help

[ntheg]

help

i need advice whenever i meet a girl, all i do is get her into bed, and thats it. goodbye.i talk to them, make them laugh, and the split- second i see that they might be hinting-wack. i get them into bed. its fun and its kind of a game i play with myself, these little bets.but thats just the thing- i dont care for these girls. i just cant go out with these girls, cause they anchor me. they stop me from being free. last time i went out with a girl, i broke it up, cause i just didn't feel lke it.so, everytime i think i lke someone, i dismiss myself, knowing that if i go out with her, i'll end up breaking-up real soon anyway, and someone (not me....) is go'ing to get hirt, and then i feel like shit,. like i could've prevented this. this isn't a problem in the summer, where there are many girls on beaches, ect', but nows winter and i'd like to be with somebody. , i realized, i dont like anybody. i thought and thought, and then- it hit me! these girls are too..... stupid. thats right. now i know your all gonna say "well, go for smart girls and not pretty ones", but you don't go up to a girl who "looks" smart. thats imposibble. at rare times where i meet gorgous girls who happen to be smart- they have boyfriends, and its like "what the f*? i can be very sarcastic at times, so sometmes i make jokes that not everyone would understand. you gatta think a little. so dumb girls would look at me and smile, and i'll think "wow, your a moron". [I'm no prodigy, i'm not gifted [mechunan], but i am inteligent] please........give me advice.... thanks a million, NtheG. ,

 

[E s t e b a n]

reply

I suggest you ask this in relationship-oriented forums. I recommend forum 30 here in Tapuz. Here is one thread about intelligence and its effect on relationships. I recommend you read -all- of it. It's in Hebrew, but I would guess that you can read that. Other than this, I believe that one should be aware of his/her own virtues and traits. If you know that you are over-sarcastic, over-judgemental, or a hardcore cynic... --and it bothers you--, then you can take positive action to avoid unpleasant situations and initiate pleasant ones. I know for fact that there are amazingly intelligent women out there. But being intelligent does not imply liking sarcasm or egotism, or any other trait. Treating people in ways that would attract them is the first step to, well, attract them. Best of luck..

 

[ntheg]

Reply

Thank you for your response. the problem is, i come from a very sarcastic and funny family. changing would be extremly diffucult, probably imposible. you where absolutly right about me- i'm very picky and very judgemental. [u should see me buy shoes]. my main problem is, i guess,m that i know [or think] i'm going to get bored of the girl extremely quickly, and i don't want to test that on anyone. it's happened quite a few times, and i don't want it to happen again please respond, NtheG.

 

[E s t e b a n]

continued

I firmly believe that any sort of change, even radical changes, are very real and very, very feasable. I think dismissing this option is the easy way out, i.e. to not really deal with the things that bother you. I am positive there are girls out there who aren't as boring as you may assume. Going to a first date with someone, while believing that "it will be boring", is a sure way to make it so. Self-fulfilling prophecies are very real and could be easily explained -- since you have a belief, you try to act according to this belief and prove yourself right. The way out of this pattern is to initiate contact with as few expectations as possible. This way you can actually get to know someone, and not try to force her into the "pretty but dumb" mold. Meeting the right girl can take a lot of time. You can improve your chances by hanging around your own places of interest. I would advise against forcing yourself to being where you -think- interesting girls would be. If you hate art, and go to an art museum, you will both suffer and won't be able to effectively use art as a topic. However, if you do like art but don't usually persue this affection, I suggest you do start. Meeting someone that shares your interests is a hell better than picking up random girls at the beach. In the previous paragraph, you can substitue "art" for any other special interest. As erezsh mentioned, the net is a good place to meet intelligent people, but this is not for everybody. IRC is not as popular as it used to be, but the forums are absolutely packed with people. Again, participating in a forum that matches your own interests is a nice way to get a glimpse at other people with the same interests. It is also a way to express yourself, which can attract people to you. Another terrific place is the academy. By taking courses in subjects you like, you will most certainly both enjoy yourself and meet people who share the interest. It is no secret that a staggering number of successful adult relationships were initiated in universities and colleges. If you still insist on thinking that getting bored of people is a major problem that is never going to go away, you can seek professional help. I suggest you take the behavioral-cognitive approach, which is extremely effective at enabling people to let go of their harmful beliefs and habits. This approach is mainly concerned at teaching people how they could solve their own problems, rather than telling them what they should or should not do and digging into their (irrelevant) past. I recommend you read this text, which is an brief introduction to one of this theories. You might find it helpful. Good luck!

 

[ntheg]

Dearest Estaban snd Erezsh

Thanks for your help. i've taken it all in. i wish not to meet people through the net, cause they can turn out to be real weirdos. [oposites attract ]. second, the academy idea is not a good idea,for i'm still in my senior year of high-school [if you did not geuss that, i will take it as a huge compliment] i would maybe consider net grls, but i'd need a picture, for i need someone pretty [What?? what did i do? don't look at me like that!] in any case, i will keep my eyes open and think of this. if anyone has any more advice........please write. PS: hey Erezsh, your the guy who's writing a movie with me!

 

[erezsh]

LOL, yes I am ../images/Emo13.gif

 

[erezsh]

several things

First of all, I'd like to address your statement: 'you don't go up to a girl who "looks" smart' - However, you could filter out people, leaving out girls which are probably smart. A good example is anywhere on the internet. When talking to girls on the internet, the first thing you "see" is how they express, not how they look. IRC is a great place since you can chat with many at once, and stick to the one you fancy. Also, usually most girls who use IRC have a more-than-average intelligence, as far as I could notice. Other places on the internet including forums, dating sites etc. You can usually easily see if a girl isn't smart enough. Many of the nicest girls I've met, I've met online. Another way, is to go to places / hang out in "societies" where smart girls usually rally. I, for example, serve in the intelligence (not oxymoron) core in the army. I could probably hit a smart girl by throwing a stone at the right place and right time. That would damage my chances with her, but nonetheless she would be hit. I would also suggest intellectual-oriented meetings of any sort, such as lectures, art-exhibitions etc. It also draws a lot of wannabe-smart-girls, but it still raises your chances. I would also note that on most shows I went to, where the music was of a certain type (pink floyd covers mainly) the girls were of a certain quality up as well, for the most part. As for feeling guilty for "misleading" girls - I would suggest you get over it. Of course I'm often blamed for being too cynical, but nonetheless you shouldn't be so sensitive about the matter. It's not like a girl would be certain you'll marry her if you went out on 5 dates with her. Relationships end all of the time, even when you are not involved in them. Everyone knows that. No one would blame you (in the long run, at least). And one last thing about sarcastic jokes - I they can't dig 'em, they ain't worth it

 

[erezsh]

*if they can't dig 'em