Wrong is Relative סיפור אהבה.

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Wrong is Relative סיפור אהבה.

פאנפיק שלקוח מהפורום הרישמי.סיפור אהבה מרגש בין האחים WAY!!! title: Wrong is Relative Author: druscilla_way Genre: Romance/Angst/Drama Rating: NC-17 (Warnings: Self-harm, incest (Waycest Summary: Gerard and Mikey's relationship basically, from the tearful confession to the sex to the discovery of their love by another bandmate. Disclaimer: I don't own them. I don't know them. No money is being made. Unfortunately, this never happened. Nightwish owns the song the story: חלק 1 Wrong is Relative As you wish for Kingdom Come The one to know all the answers. I've always felt for him too strongly. Always imagined that the blood spilling from my wrists could spell out 'I love you' and he would see it and everything would be okay. Always. But I always knew it would never happen. I also knew that the blood was just blood and it fell in no pattern. I always knew he would think just like everyone else. Always. It's wrong. It's sick. It's twisted. Times two. But they don't know. How can love be wrong? If it's love . . . why is it so wrong to love someone? The world needs more love. But there's a type of love it needs and it's like mixing up medicine when you're trying to give a patient a flu vaccine and you accidentally give them arsenic. That's what they think it is. It's arsenic. I make pretty little designs on my arm as I think about this. A cross. An eye. I watch the blood fall in no pattern, smile at it. The blood loves me. Even if no one else does. I press down too hard and the blade cuts my fingertip. Slowly, I bring it to my mouth, sucking on the cut until it stops bleeding. I'm cleaning off the other cuts when there's a banging on the door. "Just a minute." I can't wait until I'm eighteen. Then I can cut myself anywhere in the house and no one will knock on the door and interrupt me. "Gerard, Mom wants you." Mikey says. "Shit." I turn on the faucet and watch the blood wash down the drain. "Don't swear, Gee." he says. He doesn't like it when I swear. Fourteen and thinks he's so innocent. Like he doesn't cuss at school when he's with his friends. I blink as I hear him walk away, trying to fight tears. I tug down the sleeve of my sweatshirt and turn off the faucet. I slip the razor blade in the little gap between the medicine chest and the wall. I pull the door open and go into the kitchen. Mom's in a dress and she's putting in earrings. Date with Dad. I'm baby-sitting. "I need you to watch Mikey while we go out." she says. "You didn't have anything planned, did you?" "No, Mom." "I don't need a baby-sitter." Mikey says from the doorway, arms crossed. "I'm fourteen." I roll my eyes and trudge up the stairs as Mom explains to Mikey that he might have an attack and that I would have been here anyway. She babies him. I shut my door to drown out the sound of their argument. I hear footsteps and then there's a knock on my door. "Gee?" "Come in." I say acting exasperated. Like I was really doing anything important. Mikey pushes the door open. "They're gone now." "Okay." He looks at me. "Are you mad at me?" he asks finally. I look at him carefully, pretending it's perfectly normal. He's picking at his nails. I shake my head. "No. I'm not mad at you." "Who are you mad at then?" "No one." He glares at me and crosses his arms. No quietness in his voice now. "I'm not stupid, you know. You're mad at someone." "Why would I tell you even if I was?" His face falls. "You used to tell me everything." I bite my lip for a moment, thinking. It used to be so innocent talking to Mikey. He's my little brother. I don't want him worrying like I do. "I'm mad at me." I say finally. "Why?" Before I can answer, he runs over to me and grabs my hand. "Gerard, you're bleeding." And before I can tell him to stop, he pulls up the sleeve of my sweatshirt. He stares at me, his eyes huge behind his glasses. "That's why you were in the bathroom." I've never heard Mikey angry like this before. Not with me. He shoves me. "Stupid fucking--" "Stop it." I'm not even talking that loud and he stops immediately. "You can't tell anyone about this." "Are you going to kill yourself?" he asks, his voice blunt and pissed. I shake my head. "No." "Why do you do it?" "I feel better when I do." Why's he looking at me like that? It's better than thinking about . . . the other thing. "Maybe I should do it." he says. His voice is cold and I don't like it. Mikey's not supposed to sound like that. He's good. It's like I'm the darkness and he's the light. "No." "Well, you do it." My hand closes around his wrist and I squeeze. "I have to do it. You don't. And you better not even fucking think about it." "You don't have to do anything." he says in this 'duh' sort of tone. It hurts. He doesn't understand at all. He doesn't understand that I'm doing this to protect him. "You wouldn't know." "You're stupid." he snaps, pushing his glasses back him his nose with the hand I'm not holding. "You're a hypocrite." I push him away from me. Hard. "Get out." He stares at me for a minute, blinks and then leaves, slamming the door. I lock it and pull the blinds, light a candle, and turn out the light. I'm in love with my brother. I'm in love with Mikey. I'm a fag and an incestual fuck. I hold my fingers over the flame of the candle. It burns so good, feels so good on my skin. If I can focus on the pain then I can forget. I hear the doorknob jiggling. Mikey's trying to get in. "Gee? Open the damn door." "Ca-an't." I say in a singsong voice.
 
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"I'll tell Mom." Son of a bitch. "Damn." I blow the candle out, turn on the light and pull open the door. "What do you want?" "Tell me what hurts." His face and voice are softer than they were before. "Tell me what hurts. I can help, Gee. Let me help." "I-I can't." "Just tell me. I'll help you make it better. I promise. I'm your brother. That's what we do." "Mikey--" "Tell me." "You! You're what fucking hurts!" I clamp my hands over my mouth, wincing when my blistered fingertips make contact. He doesn't even flinch. He's too young to be this old. "What do I need to do?" he asks. I sit down on the bed. "You need to stay away from me, Mikey." "What?" Now he looks hurt. He drops to his knees in front of me and pulls my hands away from my mouth. "Why? What did I do?" "Nothing." I say honestly. "I'm afraid I'll hurt you." "You wouldn't hurt me, Gee." he says, a flicker of a smile on his face. "I know you wouldn't." And suddenly, I can't take it anymore. I put my hands on either side of his face and kiss him. I pull away almost immediately, feeling sick and completely pissed at myself. "Brothers aren't supposed to kiss like that, are they?" he asks softly. I shake my head. "I'm sorry." "It's okay." he says, touching my hand. "It's okay, Gee. I wanted to kiss you, too. I just didn't think you'd understand. I thought you'd think it was wrong." "It is wrong." He squeezes my hand. "If it's love, why's it wrong?" "You're my brother." "I don't think it's wrong." he says, eyes completely innocent. I wish I could see the world like Mikey does. He pulls me down and kisses me again. "Does it feel wrong?" "No." I whisper. "Then it's not." ~---~---~---~---~---~
 
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חלק 3

You were my first love The earth moving under me Bedroom scent, beauty ardent Distant shiver, heaven sent ***Mikey's POV*** 'I don't think it's wrong to love somebody. As long as they don't hurt you, what's wrong with it? That's why I sneak into Gee's room every night and lay down next to him and let his arms snake around me. That's why we share a few kisses every morning when I wake up. That's why we lock the door so Mom and Dad can't come in unannounced. That's why he won't touch me at school. That's why I'm obsessively looking up the laws on incest. It's not fair. It's not fair that they tell you who you can't love. I mean, I know it's a bit strange to be in love with Gerard, but stranger things have happened. Like my Algebra teacher going nuts in class and thinking she was on Mars.' I wrote all that into my notebook on a Saturday. I read it a couple of times and then burnt it. I know it would be stupid to carry that around. Someone might find it. And I can't leave it in my room because Mom might go on one of her cleaning sprees. It's Tuesday now. Mom and Dad are out bowling and I'm in Gerard's room on the bed letting him sketch me. I don't like it when he draws me, but he does so I let him. He always has this weird sort of smile on his face when he's drawing. He never makes it any other time. It's halfway between a smile and halfway between a laugh and halfway between a frown. I don't really know how to describe it. "Hold still, Mikey." he says for the fifth time. "My foot was falling asleep!" "I'm almost done. I've just got to do your eyes, so can you hold still for five more minutes, please?" He grins as I stick my tongue out at him. "My, my. Aren't we the mature one?" "So funny I forgot to laugh." "Lame comeback." he replies, staring straight at me. His eyes hold mine for a moment, then he looks at his sketchbook again. "Done!" He comes over to the bed and sits down next to me, holding the drawing out for me to see. God, it's perfect. It makes me want to kiss him, so I do. "It's gorgeous, Gee." He smiles. "That's because I drew you." "No, it's because you drew it." I say back. "I don't like it when you argue with me." he says. "Get used to it." He puts one hand behind my head and pulls me to him for a hard kiss. His lips move to my neck and I tense automatically. We've never done anything more than kiss. "Mikey?" he asks, pulling away. "You all right? You want me to stop?" He's biting on his bottom lip. I shake my head. "Just shocked me's all." Gerard puts his hand on my chest and pushes, so I'm laying back on the bed. He straddles my waist and starts kissing my neck again, his hands slowly running up and down my sides. I get this weird feeling, like I'm rolling down a hill or something. It's not a bad feeling though, just weird. Gerard bites down on my neck, right where the pulse is and starts sucking. And that's when it happens . . . I blush uncontrollably as I start to get hard. He smiles against my neck. "Someone likes this. Someone likes this very much." "Gee . . ." "There's nothing wrong with that, Mikey. Nothing at all." he says simply, kissing my neck and raising his head to look in my eyes. "Are you trying to tell my you don't jack off?" God, he's so profane.
 
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I don't even feel his hand leave my side, but I feel it when he rubs me through my jeans. "Fuck." I feel my hips buck upward almost against my will. God, I feel so young. He giggles. Giggles. I'll never get over his stupid laugh. "You're so pretty when you're horny." he says, kissing my cheek. "So . . . what are we going to do about this?" "I . . . don't know." How lame does that sound? "Oh, I think I do." Gerard says in this weird, almost girly voice. He unbuttons and unzips my jeans before I can say anything else. "What are you doing?" It's not anger or fear even, it's just sort of shock and surprise. I know exactly what he's planning on doing. Or at least, I think I do. "I'm going to give you a blowjob, silly." Gerard says as if it's the most obvious thing to do. "Wh-What?" His expression gets serious for a minute. "I won't if you don't want me to." he says quickly. "Are you fucking insane? Of course I want you to." He laughs and tugs the jeans and boxers off my barely there hips. For some odd reason Gerard loves my hips. Sure enough, after he's thrown the pants and boxers across the room, he kisses my hips before he even gets close to my dick. "Gee . . ." I'm whining and I know it. Then . . . his mouth's on me. His tongue's swirling around the head of cock and licking the slit and then he just . . . I'm in his mouth entirely and his tongue's hitting all the right places. I grip the sheets in my hands fighting screams. But God, it feels so good. On second though, scratch God. I don't think now's the right time to use his name. "Gerard?" I ask before I come because I know I'm going to soon if he doesn't stop. "Yeah?" He looks up at me. There's a bit of precome on his lip and it makes me blush. "Gee . . . would you . . . would you fuck me?" He shakes his head. "No." "But, why?" Doesn't he love me? I thought he wanted me. All of me. "Because, I'd never fuck you, Mikey. I'll make love to you, though." * First one finger, then two. It hurts, but I just bite my lip and turn my head. "If it hurts, tell me and we'll stop." "It . . . it doesn't hurt that bad, Gee. I-I know it's going to hurt. It's fine. I want you. I don't care." He's really slow going into me. I'm just glad I'm not on my knees. Now I can look at his eyes while he does this. While my big brother takes my virginity. He barely moves at first and then his thrusts get longer, but they're still slow and I gasp when he hits this spot inside of me. "Fuck, Gerard!" He puts his hand over my mouth. "Mom and Dad could come home. Just stay a little quiet, okay?" It's hard, but I manage. I'm whispering his name over and over and he's kissing me neck and then . . . I've never come that hard in my life. And I feel him come inside of me and it's the most amazing thing I've ever felt. Gerard inside of me. Gerard loves me. And suddenly I want to climb on top of the tallest building I can and scream it to the world. 'Gerard loves me! Gerard loves Mikey! Gerard loves me!' He pulls out of me slowly and we just lay there for a little while. He's playing with my hair and telling my I'm beautiful. I'm glad my back's to him because I don't want him seeing the tears swimming in my eyes. If only they could see this. See how much he loves me, how he takes care of me. Then would they realize it's love? It's just love.
 
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***Gerard's POV*** Home is where the way is My road goes on forever Mikey keeps a journal hidden under his mattress. Most guys hide porn under their mattress, but Mikey hides a journal. He doesn't know I read it. I really shouldn't, but when he cries constantly and won't tell me what's wrong and blames it on allergies, what the fuck am I supposed to do? 'I love Gerard. God, I love him so much. I love him so much it feels like I'm breaking inside every time we're around other people and we can't kiss and we can't hold hands like 'normal' couples. I just don't understand. We're in love. What the fuck does blood have to do with anything? Wouldn't that make your love closer than two strangers just happening to fall in love? I've known Gee forever. Gee is forever. It's just so stupid. And it is. I know it is. But there's not much else to do. I mean, coming out is one thing, but telling the world that you're in love with your little brother is another. He's always saying that he doesn't care because he knows I don't. But he does care and I care a little, but not about what other people would think of me, but what other people would think of Mikey. Mikey doesn't think I know he cries after we have sex. Just because his back's turned to me doesn't mean I don't know what he's doing. He's in my blood. I know him. He's kind of fucked that way, no pun intended. 'This hurts so bad. We got in a fight last night and he took off for five hours and then he came back completely wasted and high from God knows what. So he's sleeping in my bed now and all I can think is 'fuck'. I mean, if I hadn't yelled at him we never would have gotten in that fight and he wouldn't have driven off and gotten high. He said he was going to try and quit. He said so. He fucking promised me.' See, we are like other couples. We fight and we make up and we blame ourselves for things that aren't really our fault. We're just like everyone else. The world just hates this because it doesn't fit into their fucking social code. It's okay to kill people and it's okay to have pregnant teenagers running around and rapists go to prison where they rape more people, but it's not okay for me and Mikey to be in love. It's so fucking stupid. I hear the front door open and I quickly slide the journal back under his bed, then go into the living room where Mike's throwing his jacket onto the chair. He crosses the room and kisses me on the lips. "Miss me?" "No." I tease, standing on my tiptoes to kiss him again. It's really not fair when your little brother's taller than you. Mikey thinks it's hilarious, though. "Frankie called. He wants you to call him back. He sounded upset." "He caught me on my cell. Found of a box of my stuff when Alexia made him clean out the attic. He's bringing it by later." "Oh." We just sort of look at each other for a moment and then he pulls out two cigarettes, lights them, hands me one, and sits down on the couch. Uh-oh. Whatever he has to tell me isn't going to be good. He reaches out and grabs my hand, pulling me onto the couch next to him. "Frankie found a box of journals." Mike said, taking a drag. "And?" "Well, he opened one, obviously, to see what it was and . . . it was about us." he says softly. "So . . . he knows." Mikey nods, even though it wasn't a question. "And he's coming by later." He reaches out and takes my hand, threading our fingers together. But he won't look at me. "Gee . . . maybe you shouldn't be here when he comes by."
 
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"What?!" I grab his chin and turn him so he's looking at me. "Why?" He gives me a look that makes me feel like I'm five. "Why do you think?" he asks, eyes dark. "Because Frankie's going to be pissed and he's going to think it's wrong and I don't want him jumping all over you because you know exactly what he's going to say, don't you?" I let go of him and lower my eyes. "That I took advantage of you." "And I know you didn't." Mike says. "But he's not going to think that. And maybe I can talk to him, but I can't if you're here." I put my cigarette out in the ashtray. I didn't have a single drag off it. "Fine. When's he coming over?" "Gerard, don't do this." Mikey says, putting out his own cigarette and grabbing my arm. "Don't do this." he repeats. "Do what?" I snap. "Get all distant on me. You know I hate it." He puts his free hand on the side of my face. "It's better if I talk to him alone, and you know it. So stop acting like this." He's trying to sound older than me, like he's explaining it to a child. He sounds like he's begging. "Okay." I lean in and kiss his cheek, trying to smile. "You're not . . ." "I'm not going anywhere." he promises. "You know I'm not." I nod slowly. "Yeah, I know." "Look, he'll be here in about thirty, so I'll call you when he's gone, kay?" He kisses me and then decides he's going to follow me to our bedroom. I pull on a jacket and run a hand through my hair, all too aware that he's leaning against the doorway in jeans that he would be out of if the situation were a little different. He just sort of looks at me for awhile, picking nervously at his nails. It reminds me of when this whole thing started. "What?" I ask, turning around. "Do . . . do you ever wonder how different things would be if this--us--hadn't happened?" he asks tentatively. "I take it you do." I say bluntly, crossing my arms. "You never even think about it?" he asks. "Once in awhile." I admit. "But it's never good. It always ends up with you married to some stupid chick and me still being addicted to drugs. That's why I don't ask myself 'what if', Mikey. It's stupid." I turn back to the mirror and decide I look fine. Not that it really matters, because I'm only going to be driving around in my car blasting music until Mikey calls me. He kisses me before I step out the door, grabs my arm and pulls me to him for a deep kiss, his tongue snaking into my mouth before he finally pulls away. He rests his head on my forehead and his hand on my cheek. "I love you. Don't forget that." "I love you, too. And I won't."
 
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***Mikey's POV*** I'm the snow on your lips The freezing taste, the silvery sip I'm the breath on your hair The endless nightmares, devil's lair I stare at the driveway long after Gerard has left, finally shaking my head and going to the living room where I light another cigarette. I know I told him I didn't mind if anyone found out, but now that someone has I'm thinking completely the opposite. They're going to think Gerard tricked me into doing it. They'll think Gerard's sick. And even if I can convince them it wasn't like that and I wanted to . . . well, then we're both sick and everything goes to hell. Everything's over. I'm sitting at the kitchen table, smoking my fifth cigarette when there's a knock on the door. Three guesses who. "Come in!" I call, not even raising my eyes when my best friend walks in. He sets the box of journals down on the counter and pulls out the chair across from me, drumming his fingers on the table. It's quiet for a minute. He talks first. "So . . ." "Gerard never forced me into anything." I say quickly. I don't even want to get into that shit if I can help it. "Mikey--" "He didn't." I snap, looking up at him for the first time. "Gerard would never force me into anything. You know that." He nods. "I do know." he says calmly. "Wh-What?" "I know Gerard didn't force you into anything." Frankie says. "I mean, he wouldn't, like you said. I mean, yeah, I would say incest is wrong, but there's exceptions to every rule, right?" "I don't get what you're saying." I think I do, but I must have heard wrong. There's no way he'd be okay with this. "If it were anyone but you and Gerard . . ." Frankie shrugs. "I mean, I don't understand, but . . . I guess I'm fine with it." "You are?" My jaw may hve dropped. I know my eyes are so fucking wide behind my glasses. I feel like the universe has stopped moving. "Yeah, I mean, whatever, you know? I don't actually get why I'm so cool with this." he admits. "I guess it's you and Gerard. It actually makes sense in a weird sort of way." * "He said he didn't care?" Gerard asks for the third time. "Was he lying?" "I don't think so." I say. "I mean, he must have gotten really good at lying to me all of a sudden. And he said it was weird. It's not like he was all hugs and saying 'I understand' like when I came out. Yeah, he meant it." "But . . . that doesn't make any sense." Gerard says. "How could he be fine with it?" I frown. "Gee, why does everyone have to be so bad? Isn't it good that he's okay with it? Why are you so convinced everyone will hate us? Do you want them to hate us?" "Of course not." he says. "It's just . . . I thought it was wrong because everyone told me it was wrong. I just don't understand why anyone would accept it without time, you know?" I bite the inside of my cheek. "You want it to be us against the world, Gee." He looks at me in shock and I know I've hit the nail on the head. "N-No." "Yes." I say. "You want it to be us versus them. Just admit it and then we can get to why." "It's just that . . . it always was us versus them." he says. "It's not bad that Frankie's okay with it. That's good. I just don't want things to change."
 
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חלק 8 - הסוף

"I do." I say softly. "I want them to change. I want to be able to tell people how much I love you. I don't like it being our dirty little secret." He looks guilty then. "I'm sorry. I know that's always bugged you. It bugs me, too. I just thought that if anyone knew they'd hate us for it." "I'm sure some people will. I'm not saying we should rent a billboard and tell the world, but maybe we could tell the guys." Gerard nods, but he doesn't look happy. I know he's terrified. I'm scared, too, but I'm so sick of this fucking secret. I hate the skeletons hiding in our closet. I hate the fact that there are only so many times you can crawl into bed with your brother on tour before eyebrows start to raise. I hate so many things about it and I just wish some of them could change. * He kisses me on the stairs on the way up to our room. "I'm sorry." he says. "For being so scared about all this." I smile and press him against the wall in the hallway, my lips finding the pulse in his neck quickly. When I pull my mouth from his skin, I stare at him. "It's nothing to apologize for." * Gerard usually tops, but occasionally I get lucky (no pun intended). This is one of those times. We scramble out of our clothes at top speed without ever making a move toward the bedroom. I press him back against the wall and wrap my hand around his erection, causing him to moan. He's so beautiful with his eyes closed, those sounds coming out of his throat. While my left hand is furiously causing those moans to increase, my right hand is fumbling with the doorknob closest to us, which happens to be the laundry room. My hand leaves him, causing his eyes to fly open. I drag him into the room without a word and push him back on one of the many piles of clothes on the floor. These ones are clean I think and they're going to have to be washed again. I straddle his waist and my lips find his again, my fingers softly running up and down his sides causing him to shiver. I love seeing him like this and I love knowing he's doing it because of me. I plant kisses to his neck, to his shoulders, to his collarbone as his hands come up and thread through my hair. "Mikey." he half whispers, half moans. "Yes?" I ask, a nasty little smile on my lips. "Fuck me?" I know he means it to come out as a demand, but I just bit down on his neck and that turns it into a question. Maybe it's Gerard's thing with vampires, but that's one of his kinky turn ons. "Awww . . . you're so cute." I whisper against his neck. "But you forgot the magic word." "Please?" "Well, since you asked so nicely." I love the look in his eyes when his 'little brother' is the one dominating him. It's like he doesn't want to admit it, but he loves it. I lick a finger and slip it inside of him, giggling against his neck when he moans. I slowly move it in and out, surpressing more giggles, before I add another finger. I scissor my fingers inside of him, biting my lip as he screams obscenities. I always laugh when Gee acts like a whore. I don't know why. Then I'm up. "Don't you fucking move." I say. A minute later I'm back and I push inside of him in one motion, without a word. He gasps, but I know that he's getting off on the pain. It's not that bad. We've been doing this for so long. Sometims I think he could fuck with without lube or preparation and it wouldn't hurt. "Mikey . . ." His hands reach up and thread through my hair as I slowly start to move inside of him. My pace quickens within minutes and he's moaning, screaming my name, screaming obscenities, and just flat out screaming. Then he tenses up and I feel him come, feel the stickiness of him and that's enough to send me over the edge. I collapse next to him after and kiss his neck one more time. "I love you." "Love you, too." he murmurs, eyes closed. He gets so fucking tired after an orgasm. I'm about ready to pull him up by his hand so we don't fall asleep in the fucking laundry room, when he turns and kisses me. "Mikey?" "Hmmm?" "I'm glad it's not a secret anymore." "Only so many times I can say I long for you The lily among the thorns the prey among the wolves." ~~~FINISHED~~~
 
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אוקיייייי...

חולה. פשוט חולה.
אבל תודה בכל זאת
 
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קרניjack

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סיימתי לקרוא את הכל

וזה דיי מוגזם....... תיאורים מוגזמים, והרעיון שהם ילדים בני 14-17 עוד יותר גורם לחלחלה....... בסהכ הרעיון הוא יחד עם זאת מקורי, וחולני
 
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