אוי כל כך אבל כל כך מקסים כשהוא מדבר על אהבה
פשוט מדהים What did you learn about yourself from the end of that first love? What you realize is that when you fall in love, especially for the first time -- the first major relationship that you have where you’re with somebody for a long time -- is how much of an impact somebody can have over you. And how much they can shift who you are, both in your own discovery of yourself and how they rub off on you a little bit. That was weird for me. I always thought of myself as extremely independent, and I do have a lot of independence about me. But when it comes to love, I have to fight codependence a little bit. I get a little clingy, I think, and it’s very out of character for me. So it becomes very confusing, because I’m like, wait, I’m usually fine. But all of a sudden, I’m like [waves hands] "Ahhhhh." Like it’s easier to walk in and talk business. Oh yeah. That’s something I actually said to him yesterday. I said, "You know, it’s funny. I’ve figured out a lot about life, and I have a lot of life experience, but I don’t know shit about love." What was the wall you hit with him? Sometimes it’s hard to, like, be a boyfriend for somebody, because you don’t know what that means. What does that mean? Especially if you haven’t been in many relationships. And being in the gay community, we don’t grow up with any role models for that. We don’t know what we’re supposed to be. And I think that’s funny because there’s so much -- again, it’s something that’s being evolved out of, but in the gay community there’s so much promiscuity. It’s socially accepted in the gay community to be promiscuous. It’s like, oh, we’re both men, we’re supposed to want to fuck all the time and cheat on each other. And it’s OK, open relationships are fine because we’re all men. And I’m not judging that, but I don’t think that’s for me. I don’t think it’s emotionally healthy. Then you have to balance that with being away so much, being on tour. So who knows, you know? The other thing that’s really hard is that you have to decide whether or not you have the focus and the energy to give to the other person. That’s a difficult thing, too. And who knows what the future could hold with that. I might have to say, “You know, this is how much I love you, that I have to let you go. I can’t give you what you deserve right now, so this isn’t going to work.” Hopefully it works. I want it to. But we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. Out of the love I have for him, I don’t want to neglect it. [Sighs.] God, I can’t believe I’m saying all this. I think we put all these expectations on relationships and create this idea of, oh, this is how it’s supposed to be, because this is what all these other relationships that I see, that’s how they are. I think it’s really hard but really necessary to be like, but what are my needs? And what are your needs? And that’s our relationship. And that’s the hardest thing, because no one tells you how to do that. ד"א מאיה הוא אמר שהוא אהב אותו מה שברור אבל לא אמר שהוא מאוהב בו יש הבדל גדוללל ..... אבל בלי שום קשר הוא כל כך מקסים כשהוא מדבר על אהבה כל כך פגיע ואני פשוט מאוהבת בו למוות
פשוט מדהים What did you learn about yourself from the end of that first love? What you realize is that when you fall in love, especially for the first time -- the first major relationship that you have where you’re with somebody for a long time -- is how much of an impact somebody can have over you. And how much they can shift who you are, both in your own discovery of yourself and how they rub off on you a little bit. That was weird for me. I always thought of myself as extremely independent, and I do have a lot of independence about me. But when it comes to love, I have to fight codependence a little bit. I get a little clingy, I think, and it’s very out of character for me. So it becomes very confusing, because I’m like, wait, I’m usually fine. But all of a sudden, I’m like [waves hands] "Ahhhhh." Like it’s easier to walk in and talk business. Oh yeah. That’s something I actually said to him yesterday. I said, "You know, it’s funny. I’ve figured out a lot about life, and I have a lot of life experience, but I don’t know shit about love." What was the wall you hit with him? Sometimes it’s hard to, like, be a boyfriend for somebody, because you don’t know what that means. What does that mean? Especially if you haven’t been in many relationships. And being in the gay community, we don’t grow up with any role models for that. We don’t know what we’re supposed to be. And I think that’s funny because there’s so much -- again, it’s something that’s being evolved out of, but in the gay community there’s so much promiscuity. It’s socially accepted in the gay community to be promiscuous. It’s like, oh, we’re both men, we’re supposed to want to fuck all the time and cheat on each other. And it’s OK, open relationships are fine because we’re all men. And I’m not judging that, but I don’t think that’s for me. I don’t think it’s emotionally healthy. Then you have to balance that with being away so much, being on tour. So who knows, you know? The other thing that’s really hard is that you have to decide whether or not you have the focus and the energy to give to the other person. That’s a difficult thing, too. And who knows what the future could hold with that. I might have to say, “You know, this is how much I love you, that I have to let you go. I can’t give you what you deserve right now, so this isn’t going to work.” Hopefully it works. I want it to. But we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. Out of the love I have for him, I don’t want to neglect it. [Sighs.] God, I can’t believe I’m saying all this. I think we put all these expectations on relationships and create this idea of, oh, this is how it’s supposed to be, because this is what all these other relationships that I see, that’s how they are. I think it’s really hard but really necessary to be like, but what are my needs? And what are your needs? And that’s our relationship. And that’s the hardest thing, because no one tells you how to do that. ד"א מאיה הוא אמר שהוא אהב אותו מה שברור אבל לא אמר שהוא מאוהב בו יש הבדל גדוללל ..... אבל בלי שום קשר הוא כל כך מקסים כשהוא מדבר על אהבה כל כך פגיע ואני פשוט מאוהבת בו למוות
