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House (to an Asian girl): I don't think that your mother is suffering from PMS. I think she's more likely suffering from SAC. Asian Girl: What's that stand for? House: Stupid American Child. If you need birth control pills, go to one of those free clinics. Cuddy: Twenty-five year old female with sleep issues. House: I'm guessing she's... what's the medical term? Upset. These 25-year-old females are usually completely rational. They're rocks. Really. Dr. Cameron: Lovely. Revenge as motive for success. Dr. Cuddy: Well, it doesn't have to be the motive. But it sure tastes good. Dr. Cameron: If we want this to not get in the way of our friendship, I think we both have to apologize and put it behind us. Dr. Foreman: I like you, really...we have a good time working together. But ten years from now, we're not gonna be hanging out, having dinners. Maybe we'll exchange Christmas cards, say "Hi," give a hug if we're at the same conference...we're not friends, we're colleagues...and I don't have anything to apologize for. Dr. Cameron: We're withholding information relevant to her decision to risk her life! How is that not an ethical dilemma? House: It's not medical information. Dr. Cameron: Who cares? House: The AMA. Dr. Cuddy: (waking House up) You've seen one patient in the last two hours! House: Complicated case. I'm a night owl, Wilson is an early bird: we're different species. Dr. Cuddy: Move him into his own cage! House: Who'd clean up the droppings from mine? Dr. Cameron: If she talks, if she does the decent thing then you don't get to solve your puzzle, your game's over, and you lose. House: Yeah. I want to save her. I'm morally bankrupt. House: Given the choice of life versus death, those bad, bad people are going to choose life. House: I'm saying 'I don't care what they do as long as my life isn't interrupted by pointless conversations like this one.' House: It's only moral to save a person if they love you? That's kind of a selfish way at looking at life. I like Wilson's disease, I like cancer, I love mushrooms. Dr. Cameron: (to House) Okay, well we can either base our diagnosis on your admittedly keen understanding of lesbian relationship or we could do a scratch test. House: You on the other continue to be flabbergasted every time someone acts like a human being. Foreman did what he did because it's what worked out for him. That's what everyone does. Dr. Cameron: That is not the definition of being human. That's the definition of being an ass. Dr. Cameron: Right, we're both victims. A simple heads up, that's all I needed. Maybe between your incredibly witty remarks about anal sex and Cuddy's breasts you could've tipped me off. House: Then I'd have Foreman pissed off. But at least I know you're not going to put a cap in my ass. House: (to about an Asian girl) Not the sharpest chopstick in the drawer, is she? House: We can only hope Cameron learned something from this. Dr. Wilson: Right. Because you’re all about the teaching. House: Our children…are the future. Dr. Cameron: You’re on his side? Dr. Cuddy: Sides? This isn’t dodgeball. Dr. Cameron: You can’t ask the person she’s going to dump to donate her liver! House: It does seem tacky, doesn’t it. Dr. Cameron: Do you have any idea what it feels like to have a 6’ hose shoved into your large intestine? House: No. But I now have a much greater respect for whatever basketball player you dated in college. Dr. Cameron: Depriving her of what little sleep she has, that’s torture. House: So is cutting people with knives. You can totally get away with that if you have a doctor’s coat on. House: If it has anything to do with who made the mistake, I dont care. If it has to with with me making a mistake, I really don't care. (Cameron, Foreman, and Chase come in) Dr. Cameron: We've got rectal bleeding. House: What, all of you? Hannah: I've got the plague? House: Don't worry, it's treatable. Being a bitch, though...nothing we can do about that.